Wondering 'what if?'

Ashwin Goyal

Nov 4, 2023 — 1 min read

“If I could go back in time and change one thing, I’d be on top of the world.”

The thrill of that thought is intoxicating. Because on the golden path, life is fantastic. I’m always in the right place at the right time saying the right things to the right people.

But, what if it’s a trap? What if, in chasing an idealized version of myself, I am underestimating the me that exists right now? The things I call mistakes might be stepping stones towards becoming someone worthwhile. And there is no guarantee that the current me is any less valuable than a potential me.

I am not going to trade it all for a ghost, an idea. The path I am on right now has its own lessons, its own victories. I will own them. Because what I have is not a result of the paths I took, but also the ones I did not.

Having enough

I see food on my plate, a roof over my head, and pride in my mother’s eyes. But, it will get taken away. I know it will all get taken away. So, I shake my fist at the boogeyman of misfortune and I scream, “I am not afraid!” But,

Swiping

Funny cat video. Ah, that’s cute. Swipe. There’s that influencer again. Latest skincare ritual. Swipe. A dance mix. Feet tapping unconsciously. Swipe. My friend sent a meme, something about...who cares? Double tap. Heart it. Text from best friend: "Had a really rough day. Can we talk?