Talking to my future self

Ashwin Goyal

Nov 20, 2023 — 1 min read

I'm writing to you from a place that's kind of tough, but I keep thinking about what our life is like in the future. Are you the strong, amazing person I dream about? Have you carried the weight of everyone’s expectations?

You know, I say ‘no’ a lot. I don't eat my favorite foods, I skip fun things, and I don't buy stuff I really want. Because I want to make sure you – we – are okay in the future. They say giving it time helps with compounding, with escaping the cycle of the mediocrity once and for all.

Sometimes, I really question if the sacrifices are worth it. Everyone around me seems to be living in the now, enjoying life. But I'm always telling myself it's for a good reason. And that it’s on me to improve things for those who will follow.

I hold onto the hope that there will be time for my happiness in the future, a time after fulfilling my duties as a son, a husband, and a father. Then, you and I can begin building a bridge to a new place, a place we’ve never seen, but have always longed to explore.

Telling myself lies

”Everything happens for a reason,” I tell myself, trying to inject some hope into the echo of bad news. ”I'll be stronger because of this,” I continue, my voice growing firmer with conviction. The thought that this mishap is actually a blessing in disguise is strangely comforting. The

Letting go

They're like shadows, always with me, holding my peace of mind hostage. Just a sound, a smell, or a word, and I'm back in those heart-wrenching moments, overwhelmed by fear and doubt. Regret weighs heavily on me. Why was I there? Why did I make that