Relaxing
"What's next?" they asked, looking around. "Nothing." "Nothing? What do you mean, nothing?" "I mean, relax. Just sit back." "What's a relax?" The panic was palpable. "What do I do with that?"
Ashwin Goyal
Receiving recognition
"And for outstanding contributions in project management," he began. "We recognize... uh..." A pause. Silence. "Sorry, the name escapes me." "Don't worry," he smiled, "we'll make sure you're properly recognized later. Congratulations, uh... yeah. You
Sugarcoating
Before: You never pull your weight and always avoid responsibility. Everyone knows you're lazy but avoids saying it. After: You take a step back to give your team the time to own and shine. Your relaxed attitude and flexible schedule bring calm to the team.
Eating healthy
"I'm gluten-free, sugar-free, vegan, and only eat farm-fresh, locally-sourced raw fruits and vegetables," he said. "So, what can you eat?" "Uh, cabbage." "Cabbage and...?" "Water."
Padding numbers
"0.1%? Are you sure the decimal is in the correct position?" "Yes, triple-checked. Absolutely sure." "Well, that's not going to cut it. Make it look... more impressive." "Got it. How about '...including a 2.5-degree rise in city temperature,
Exercising to eat
“Think we burned enough for this?” he asked, gulping down a soda. “Definitely,” she said, digging into another slice of cake.
Finding a good job
"We're like a family here, always supporting each other. We have team-building retreats in the mountains, yoga sessions on Fridays, and an open-door policy. The future here is bright—we're pioneering cutting-edge technology that will revolutionize the industry. The work you'll be doing
Meeting in real life
"Hi! It's so good to finally meet you!" "Yeah, I guess," he replied hesitantly. "So, how was your trip?" "It was fine." He stared, confused. "Do you, uh, keep a pillow under your seat on Zoom?" "What?
Giving a bad ref
“Well,” she began, “one of them said you don’t work well in unstructured environments.” His eyes widened. “He said that?” “Yes,” she continued, unfazed. “So, we’re going with someone else.” “That backstabbing bastard! That lying piece of shit!”
Voting rationally
"Did you vote yet?" "Yeah, I need to win that 500 bucks if my candidate wins." "Seriously? I just want the markets to calm down. My investments are tanking." "Man, all I care about is getting that extra day off."
Cleaning up
"Hey, how about the sink full of dishes? We’re not in college anymore." "Why don’t you wash them if it bothers you so much?" "Why should I clean up after everyone else?" "Because you're the only one who knows
Ordering for a group
Someone yelled, “Let’s just get pizza.” “Okay, pizza it is,” they agreed. “No onions on mine,” one person said. “No onions? That’s the best part!” someone protested. “If there’s no onions, I’m not having pizza,” another declared.
Listening intently
"You know, I was thinking of painting the ceiling purple," she said from the kitchen. "Uh-huh," he murmured. "Also, I signed us up for a mission to Mars. We leave next Tuesday." "Sure, sure," he nodded. "Oh, and I invited the
Being recognized
"I can offer you free food. And maybe convince them to let you work from home on Saturdays. I can give you gift cards, maybe even make you Employee of the Month. You'll get a prime parking spot for a week. Perhaps a company-sponsored gym membership?"
Overplaying
"After this month's appraisal, factoring in inflation, stock market trends, the price of gold, my cat's birthday, and a standard bump, I'll be making way more. So, to join as a junior analyst, I'll need fifty-one percent of your company."
Ordering food
"Alright, let's break this down," he said, opening the food delivery app. The pizza was listed at ₹389. "If the cost of goods sold is only 30%, that's about ₹117." "Their margin is insane," he muttered. "Delivery only costs